Networking in Surrey

Thanks to the guys at for sending me these Top 20 Peter Kay Quotes. Be warned: they're not always PC, but some are quite perceptive, others are witty, and I'd hazard a guess that more will appeal to men than to women...

  1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
  2. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
  3. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
  4. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
  5. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
  6. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
  7. You never know where to look when eating a banana.
  8. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
  9. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
  10. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
  11. It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
  12. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
  13. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
  14. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
  15. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
  16. You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
  17. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  18. I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
  19. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
  20. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a "use by" date?

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